lavvy

Thoughts of Thatcher and the Belgrano were put to one side and three trips to the lavvy later, my pee-game was tight and I settled in for the feature presentation.

Be they high, low or "lavvy pan" (surely the best-worst heel descriptor ever) - heels, get your coats.

| Flying Glasgow December nights at the Sunconnect Beach Tequise, from PS| For more visit stewarttravel.your And the horror of seeing your missus' face when she thinks your wedding ring's been flushed down the lavvy.

We'd gone back downstairs, Susan and I appeared to dance a lot (in the lavvy corridor of a posh restaurant - the shame), my friend Trish entertained everybody by setting her index finger alight in flaming Sambucca and extinguishing the flame in her mouth like a trained circus act while our other pal Edward Reid, singer and BGT star, sat on a strange man's lap singing 'Happy Birthday to You' in the style of Marilyn Monroe to President Kennedy as his wife looked on bemused.

What about the Reverend Klopp (left), in the downstairs lavvy, with the little top hat (10/1)?

Now the little lavvy has been sold to the mystery bidder for the impressive five-figure sum - although it is not yet known what it will be used for.

Lambert Smith Hampton has compiled an instruction for the little lavvy, encouraging potential buyers with information on the city's universities, the Science Central development and its bountiful regeneration programmes.

Did you know that, musically, your lavvy flushes in E Minor?